I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.
I’m not lazy… I just don’t have the desire to come up with a more accurate way to describe myself right now
Have you ever been driving in a different state and then you see a yellow road sign with like squiggles and an incline and you don’t even know what it means but you just know you don’t wanna have to do that?
The year is 2491. The machines patrol the dusty ruins looking for the last pockets of human resistance. And they STILL haven’t managed to make a packet of biscuits where the “tear here” is aligned with where you actually have to tear.
TSA guy searched my bag. Found my idol light sticks.
Him: “The hell are these? Mini Yoda lightsabers?
Me: “Oh they’re just light sticks. For concerts and stuff.”He then fucking leaned in and did a Yoda voice.
“MMH. MASTER RAVER, I AM.” He said.
Blindsided me.
i really like this french girl on tiktok the only thing she does is post these videos of her trying to pronounce english words and idk she is just such a diva i love her
Get in the car. We’re either getting ice cream or committing arson. I’ll decide on the way
Nobody likes a complainer but they’re needed for a functioning society. You know how humanity gets compared to frogs in boiling water and everything is getting bad so gradually we won’t even notice? Not if I’m around
Never deleting this app.
My rabbit stew is now cold because my neighbour came to the door with some sob story about his kid’s missing pet.
“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re manning the Asda pizza counter in a tutu.
Creepy-crawlies
ios update: we’ve changed the keyboard size just slightly again. good luck!
me: god danb ut