I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work
A homeless man asked me for money. I had 10 dollars in my pocket and didn’t want it wasted on alcohol so I gave it to him.
At my funeral sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man
Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.
ex gf moved out and took all the herbs and spices. i will never financially recover from this
Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.
◾️
Someone stole the C and L off my work besties door, which I guess was probably pretty predictable in hindsight…
incredible google review i just found
Most Common Source of Electricity
I have been told to stop stealing muffins from the bakery. Unfortunately, it’s the only way to keep my lucrative muffin stand in business. Everyone is fine with this.
You were the one.