Threads is like Adibas trainers or a Bolex watch
Them: life is so unfair sometimes
Me, thinking of how I’ve never been befriended by a wild animal: yeah it really is
every day new twt alternatives pop up and then i look away for an hour and everyone is like btw krungle steals from artists for ai and btw ive already deleted my fringle account for reasons obvious cause youre out of the loop but dont sign up cause that also deletes your quorble
Oh wow Linda the pizza here “isn’t even close” to what you had studying abroad in Rome? The pizza at this airport Sbarro’s isn’t doing it for you? I am shocked
@spacej_me this lady at a bar was flirting with me and telling me AI’s will take my job and i was like no way and she was like oh for sure and I was like listen lady there’s no way AI will take my job, im unemployed and she stopped flirting with me at that point
“Robots are going to take your job” yeah ok have you ever watched a roomba for even five seconds
If I can only taste 999 islands I’m sending this dressing back.
me: what are you going to be when you grow up?
5: beautiful.
My teen daughter wants me to “hurry up” getting ready to go somewhere and ain’t this some karma
I threw away garbage.
In the garbage can.
The day after garbage day.
My husband is horrified with me.
My timeline is flooded with ads for push up bras. I know I’m out of shape but that’s just mean, Twitter.
There aren’t any 50% off Fourth of July candy sales today, but surely there are some fingers half off.
The calories don’t count in the bites we have to take of our kid’s food to get them to eat it
My oldest boy struggled with the lighter when shooting fireworks, but my 9 year old mastered it quickly, I don’t know whether to be proud or concerned.
Wife: I had to retire a pair of undies and the next one in the rotation was white,
I hate white pantiesMe: well, that’s the last time they’ll be white, so…
Does anyone want to help me try to find my last 2 molars?
They’re either under the fridge or I swallowed them