I see you people drinking from your water bottles without spilling or choking, flaunting your superiority in our faces like that
My oldest kid, watching Shrek again, but now being old enough to understand more of the jokes…
Count your blessings every day. Maybe you’ll have more blessings than Todd in accounting and you can rub them in his stupid face.
[library]
hi do you have any books about when a guy is really mad at one specific whale
Watched Gladiator again and imagined characters engaging in mundane conversations:
Maximus: ‘Are you going to the Colosseum tonight?’
Juba: ‘Nah, got laundry to do. Can’t wear bloodstained armor all the time, you know.’
I have written yet another poem about laundry
People who look pretty & put together at the airport, how dare you?
🤣🤣🤣
Atheists, if Jesus isn’t real then explain this.
Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently you can say literally anything there
Me: Send prudes.
Her: Wait, did you mean nudes?
Me: What? Ew. No.
companies sending a rejection email after i apply for yet another role with them
I’m a GROWN MAN. I’m on my GROWN MAN SHIT. I am COLD and DISORIENTED cause I got out of the shower but I can’t dry off cause all my towels are in the WASHER.