Essential oils? You mean WD40?
In honor of the birthday of Noriyuki ‘Pat’ Morita, today I shall find a kid getting bullied and teach him Karate by having him fix my car and house.
This might sound like an off the wall question. But what do you think of parkour?
genetics is so weird, like i got my mom’s eyes and my dad’s talent for tax fraud
If you’re wondering how much I hate confrontation, I just apologized to the microwave when it had to beep a third time to remind me my food was done.
If you call me daddy during sex you’re getting sent home to eat your vegetables.
While removing a cat hair from my phone screen I accidentally closed three windows, downloaded two apps, made an unwanted Amazon purchase, and texted my boss a Chuck Norris meme.
It’s the best dill pickle ever, but the restaurant won’t tell me what kind it is. To what lengths will I go to find out? None.
It’s so dumb to be on this app, why do I have a diary where people can yell at me
(using my powers as an empath) this dungeon… it has bad vibes
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me:No.
Ghosts think they are so scary but I see right through them
grateful there’s a whole airline for virgins . i do NOT want them on my flight
In high school, one of my friends was a mormon who wanted to have twins named Idaho and Udaho, and I think about that a lot
I like when candies have offseasons, like Easter is the Super Bowl of Cadbury Crème Eggs and then the eggs go rest up for training camp