Me: [wisely] what goes around, comes around
Ferris wheel operator: [annoyed] please stop saying that every time you go past
My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM
First I was a pebble..
“AI is coming for your jobs” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it
hardest line in real life
there’s music for literally every activity
I buried one of those 12ft skeletons in my yard. Gonna make one hell of a true crime podcast someday.
sweet dreams💖
Adds what I’m about to eat to my grocery list
takes a bite
Removes it from my grocery list
Your windows aren’t that tinted that I can’t still see you picking your nose.
I see no reason these two should not be wed, but I do like to make things about me.
“I’m two bingo numbers away from winning a turkey,” is the most erotic thing I said aloud today.
There were shockingly few machete murders at tennis camp.
Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.