People often wonder if Tom and Jerry were enemies offscreen, as well. According to Tom, “sort of.”
Me *plans an elaborate family vacation and packs nearly everything for the entire family*
“Honey, can you just pack your toiletries?”Him (35,000 feet in the air): “Hotels give you deodorant right?”
I don’t want to sound alarmist, but EEEEOOOO EEEEOOOO ANK ANK ANK ANK WOO-OOP WOO-OOP WOO-OOP
we could create a chicken alfredo coffee flavor we have the technology
inventor of rice krispies: but what if our food tried to get away
90% of my social interaction is just wondering what to do with my arms
Interviewer: Tell me how did you hear about this job?
Me: Through sheer desperation and boredom, I applied to 215 jobs in 8 days while high and you responded
Me: The floor is lava!
Satan: Yes! We just had it redone. It used to be legos. Nice, right?
Accidentally said goodbye to the voice at the drive thru order window and they answered “nah I’ll see you in a sec” no chill
I’m perfectly happy to listen to the opinion of anyone who agrees with me.
Shout out to the KFC drive-thru attendant who offered me “enough ranch to drown a small child”
These aliens are smart. They only appear to people who don’t know how to operate a camera.
<guitar riff>
<guitar riff>
<guitar riff>
Singer: Ya-aahh-aaahh-weee-aaaa-oooo-roooo-aaahhYeah, I felt that.
Me: so when will I actually receive the shark
Loan Shark: what
