Got banned from all the chemists in my town for calling them pharmas markets.
Friend: I feel like half of the country is upset about the election.
Me: (knowing how votes work) slightly less than half.
This election could drag on for days. Unless someone captures the Snitch, then it ends immediately.
My boss just texted me and said,“Send me one of your funny jokes please.”
I replied “ I’m working hard at the moment,I will send you one later.”He replied, “That was fantastic,send me another one.”
I have always wanted to do this 😭😭
Picking up some anvils, tunnel paint, and dynamite balloons
I know there are bigger problems in the world right now but I’ve just realised I’ve never seen a baby seagull.
It’s amazing how much destruction a 4yo can cause between the hours of 5:30 and 5:37 am.
Orange cat behavior 😂
me at 6:45 pm: eh the results tonight can only stress me out. prob just gonna ignore them entirely 🙂
me at 9:45 pm: WHERE ARE THE REST OF THE VOTES FROM MECKLENBURG COUNTY NORTH CAROLINA
I have said this before, but it’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle
Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed around now and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?
the skeleton manning the ship inside of my brain is trying to push my brain out of my head and replace it with a rock. i might let him
It doesn’t really matter who wins today as long as both candidates tried their best and had fun.