I would wear Nike but I’m not a “Just do it” kinda guy. I’m more of a “Meh, I don’t wanna” kinda guy… so I wear Sketchers
Jake Paul just announced that he’s fighting my dead grandmother next.
The best part about sleeping alone is not having to share my blanket or rotisserie chicken
I haven’t seen Criss Angel in awhile …. I have to say this is by far his best magic trick ever.
Time to play: am I having an aneurysm or is my bun too tight?
How rude of my car GPS to suggest Taco Bell as the first suggested destination, but also thanks it was helpful, that’s where I was going.
Don’t tell me who won the fight, my Netflix is still buffering.
it’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a like
There are two types of people… those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life
Hey bro pleas stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river
Me: (to my kid after I see her empty plate at the dinner table) I guess you need to learn how take your plate up
My Kid: I’ve already learned that skill.
Me:
My Kid: I don’t need any further practice on it.
Me: 😑