Guess who taught himself how to open the rice cooker and woke me up by screaming in between mouthfuls of hot rice
Had a customer in tonight moaning that the tyre pressure machine was free but now we charge 50p.
I shrugged and said “that’s inflation” and he didn’t even laugh why do I even bother?
stop
There’s a new trend in China where people make and eat spiceless “white people lunch”, as form of self torture.
And their commentary has me crying 😭
On my flight today I woke up from a nap & an attendant was walking down the aisle holding a pug, saying “we found this pug. Whose pug is this??” And for 3 hours we all just took turns holding the mystery pug until a verrrry stoned man in the last row woke up & was like “Roscoe?!”
“The curb is just a reverse pothole” I whisper to myself as I hear the wheel scraping against cement.
Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.
“What do you see in him?”
– me to the x-ray tech imaging my kid
When I call back Domino’s a second time to let them know it’s been over an hour and my pizza still hasn’t been delivered.