It was taking a really long time for the salt shaker to fill up and then I remembered that I’m high.
To those going to Miami tomorrow, please be sure to visit our fun fair setup at the Courthouse.
Photo booths, 23&me test kits, fingerprinting, make your own bracelets…
Be there, will be wild!
Guys only want one thing and it’s to lick your Himalayan salt lamp when you’re not looking.
Kids are fun if you enjoy saying things like, “read the room,” only to have someone start reading literally everything there is to read in said room, out loud.
Of course my summer body is ready, it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.
I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.
I come from a time of excessive Durans.
I’m not moody, I’m just on shuffle
They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.
Why do Nashville’s tourists feel the need to cosplay farmers and cowboys when they visit our city? I don’t dress up like a bagel or the Statue of Liberty when I visit New York City. I just wear my normal clothes.
My Uber driver doesn’t know that soon he’ll be an accomplice.
Really wanted to be a therapist until I got a Twitter account and read some of you guys problems and I want nothing to do with that mess
me: you know what’s not cool?
13: *yelling from another room* YOU!
“Help yourself!”
– people who don’t want to help you
I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.