Oops I accidentally set the east coast to sepia
pirate: walk the plank
someone’s dad: is this teak?
Topic: Excited about mustard!
MustardNewbie99: Hey guys! Just tried this french mustard and it really opened my eyes! Has anyone else tried it?
InTheCourtOfTheMustardKing
412,294 Posts
Registered 3/13/2002
[SUPER ADMIN – MANDATE OF HEAVEN]
No, we’ve never tried moutarde forte🙄
doctor: this may hurt
me: june doesn’t look much better
KFC: A secret blend of 11 herbs and spices
Me: Does that include salt and pepper?
KFC: Blend of 9 secret herbs and spices
I see a cute girl on the bus. I unzip my hoodie to reveal a t-shirt that says, “I love holy matrimony”. She pats on the open seat beside her.
Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones saying I’m a control freak.
When my kids are grown, I’m coming over to their house and taking their forks and then scattering them around town.
my son is also my best friend (huge mix up at the adoption agency)
my fav thing at work is asking “can i have your name?” to customers. they dont understand, thats mine now. i am damian now. not you. you lost that. you gave it to me.
ghost of christmas past: do you see how you have mistreated others
me: thats not me
Ghost: what? thats clearly younger you
me: nah thats not me
ghost: are you serious, go stand next to him
I just want to be as strong as the bond between two five gallon buckets
I went from being mama, mommy, mom, brotato chip, bruh, to now “mother”. So formal all of a sudden.
getting fitted for a wedding suit and i know they’re going to ask me what i want and already i know i’m going to just go blank and say like “pants….. and jacket”
🤣could you imagine
