A lady on NextDoor just asked for a pet psychic that could really blow her mind and honestly, stay gold NextDoor.
If you go to Hell for laughing during prayer, my family will burn for eternity.
Her: I thought you said you were ordering spicy food.
Me, choking on 14 churros: CINNAMON’S A SPICE
I’m the friend that shows up with a shovel and alibi.
damn. it takes a long time to soft boil 3 eggs when you don’t even turn the stove burner on in the first place
“Can I copy your homework?”
“Sure, just change a few things so it’s not that obvious.”
“Ok.”
I’m a Florida 4, but a Walmart 6, so I’m a Florida Walmart 5.
my depression: I’m sad
my anxiety: but why now I’m worried
my depression: nothing to worry about I’m sad for no reason
my anxiety: oh cool but honestly I was just gonna worry anyway
I don’t cook, I more so… Dabble in the kitchen 😏
– me flirting
First it’s not safe INSIDE, now it’s not safe OUTSIDE. Who benefit? Big door.
Nothing says ‘I love you’ like an echo chamber
Don’t you hate it when you trip and fall and an entire pizza accidentally jumps into your mouth?
Thursday
I read that playing mind games will keep your brain sharp. I’ll start tonight by acting like I’m not mad when I really am mad.