saying “i am bad at this”
-defeatist
-will make you sad
-removes the possibility for improvementsaying “a whale would be impressed by my ability”
-encouraging
-always true because whales don’t even have thumbs and also appreciate effort
-makes you think about whales
Nobody:
The Sun: I’m gonna make your underwear turn into a damp rolled up towel so you walk like you just rode a horse
nyc:
Golf fans be like “what’s your favorite club?”. It’s chicken, my dude, followed by soda
Where would we be without behavioral economics to deliver us such scorching insights as “try to make an appealing profile” and “swipe right on guys you like.”
I always chalk the pool cue as if it is going to make a difference
My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.
Damn gurl, are you a wildfire? Because you just took my breath away
Me: Table for 1.
Host: Just 1?
Me: Yes. Can you enunciate “just” a little harder?
NO THAT IS OBVIOUSLY NOT WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR GOOGLE
S O O N
tennis balls are the only sports equipment we trust to the public. if you see a guy walking down the street with a football helmet or a 7 iron that’s suspicious as hell
Dogdamnit, autocarrot.
airports are so funny. like “oh you’re flying across the country? would you like to hang out in a mall first”
Me: What did she send you on Snapchat?
My pre-teen: A picture of a wall.
Me: What did you send back?
My pre-teen: The ceiling.
