I now know why they’re called the wee hours of the night
Pretty telling how high and mighty my mother has become since she no longer needs help setting the VCR clock.
Gentleman, want to make your lady feel special? Place her picture in the kitchen, and write employee of the month.
She’ll love it! Follow me for more relationship tips
My daughter has decided instead of drying off with bath towels, she prefers sheets, and I love her and promised to never stamp out her individuality, but no.
Orangutan coworkers be like “What did you have for lunch? I had two oranges, one apple, one coconut, two mangos, three limes, ten lemons, one papaya, a guava, fifty five grapes, and ten kiwis”
starting an onlyfans but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks
Moved the bed for the first time in years and found 47 hair ties, a toy steak, and the lost city of atlantis
One time I made my Scottish born mama red beans and rice when she came to Texas for a visit and after she accused me of trying to kill her.
The scariest women I’ve known are five feet tall and under. My grandmother was oldest of 11 children, 4 feet 10 Irish Catholic terrifying. I once saw her false teeth fly out and continue yelling at my Uncle John.
If you haven’t heard about shorts yet
Please don’t tell me about your childhood problems, this was my moms cars air conditioning growing up
I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for his birthday and he said 20 dollars
My son graduated preschool last week, so naturally I’m saving all his artwork in the basement so I can give it to him when he’s 37.
7: “I know why pee is yellow. Because you have to squeeze to get pee out, like a lemon.”
Your honor these allegations are
