Apple needs to develop a feature that disables Amazon when it knows you’re drinking.
Hashtag don’t drink and Prime.
IT support is currently working on fixing the problem. Thanks for your patience.
Dumplings,
“It’ll be dead soon. Nature abhors a vacuum.”
-commentsivehadafew
[being stoned to death by a small village] so how do you guys all know each other
I don’t need to wait til fall to tell me my pumpkin is spicy.
“I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.”
— Mark Twain
My two-year olds have reached the age where they can remember when I’ve told them that we’ll do something “later” and I don’t want to overstate it but I’m pretty sure this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
Me: “When’s your birthday”
Him: “here you go with that zodiac sign stuff”Actually I just wanna check the court websites
Howl 😭
*bumps into old work colleague*
*chats for 30 seconds*
Them: “we should totally catch up soon”
My brain: no, this was enough catching!
never trust a guy who wants you to try out for a boy band in a motel off the jersey turnpike.
i know this now.
🐱: “She’s injured, now is the time to strike!”
With hindsight, putting that wind turbine near the end of the runway wasn’t the best idea.
