I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.
Dad-confession: it took me two pulls to get the mower started today. No one saw it, but I feel I’ve gotta be honest and accountable to all of you when I fall short.
Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.
When my 5’8” husband passes a super tall person he’ll stealthily go back-to-back with them and whisper “who’s taller?”
Nobody:
Toy Makers: KIDS ARE PROBABLY HARD OF HEARING SO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS LOUD
Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.
This could have been an email.
— me, while attending a wedding ceremony
Life is ruff.
-anonymous dog
Everytime I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.
You know you’re in a good relationship when she turns off all the lights so you can sit together by the window and listen to the neighbors fight.
I took a BEFORE picture of my living room, and then I set a timer for 30 minutes. The AFTER picture looked the same?? 🤔
Way more cannibalism in the Barbie movie than I expected
I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.
“Doctor, doctor, I think I’m turning into a terrible pushy parent”
“Daddy, why do you keep calling me ‘doctor’?”
Oh you’re a fan of Oppenheimer? Name three bombs