if you’re not easily offended, why are you even here?
If I go in my purse and pull out items solely by shape, I never know if it’s gonna be a pen, a tampon, or a stick of beef jerky.
If you didn’t want a bunch of dads to meander into your backyard, then you shouldn’t have revved up that chainsaw, Dale
In today’s modern work world employees, even those working remotely, can call in and key in their hours over the phone. It’s a big change from prehistoric times when Fred Flintstone would clock in and out in person with a physical punch card made of stone.
Just once I’d like to practice my runway walk while eating a bag of chips without getting kicked out of the grocery store.
Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime
I don’t think it’s rude to keep standing if you go to someone’s house and their furniture is ugly
Going into Monday like
Heyyyyyyyyyyyo lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😏🥴🤦♂️🤷♂️
If I were in charge of cranberry juice advertising, every bottle would have a picture of a guy screaming in agony as he passed a kidney stone
😅🤣😂
I put the Nutella in the freezer so I don’t eat it and man, what a chilled treat of a backfire that was.