Never ghost your hitman.
I don’t think you’re a bad person. I just think you’re immature and lack intelligence. Hope that helps!
I quit my job to become an archeologist.
My career is in ruins.
At my age getting up early just means that I had to go pee and I couldn’t hold it anymore.
Attention: Due to inflation, people like you are now a dime and a nickel a dozen.
What do you call a person that is happy on a Monday?
Unemployed
Non violent offenders should be given community service & bangs
I have a hard time believing that bears made porridge & the only thing wrong with it was the temperature.
When you’re going through boxes and cabinets of dishes, 5 curious cats jumping in and out of everything is a rare treat.
#ImNotWorriedCuz I’m into this
[Dog doing something I don’t want him to do]
Me: No
Dog: “Dear Sir or Madam: Thank you for your thoughts on the matter. We shall take them under advisement.”
Genie: you get three wishes
Dog: I wish I was inside
Genie: two wishes
Dog: I wish I was outside
Genie: one wish
Dog:
Genie:
Dog: I wish I was inside
#ImNotWorriedCuz I’ve got a license
Nothing says warm summer days like choosing between drinking a bottle of ice-cold kombucha or ranch
it’s okay if the earth is flat i’m round enough for both of us