Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime
I don’t think it’s rude to keep standing if you go to someone’s house and their furniture is ugly
Going into Monday like
Heyyyyyyyyyyyo lol 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😏🥴🤦♂️🤷♂️
The devil.
If I were in charge of cranberry juice advertising, every bottle would have a picture of a guy screaming in agony as he passed a kidney stone
😅🤣😂
I put the Nutella in the freezer so I don’t eat it and man, what a chilled treat of a backfire that was.
Don’t touch that.
20: omg my life is going to be so aweso—
40: wtf just happened
You’d think cats would act more grateful that we sent Curiosity to Mars.
Found a ring on a walk today with my husband. It’s our anniversary so he tells me “glad you found my gift…happy anniversary!!!”