I wish I could call my dad’s therapist and be like “hey what exactly are you working on over there???”
Multitask? I can barely unitask
surely this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson
I reached for the kitchen scissors and they weren’t there so someone is very very lucky this cheese opened on the tear line like it’s supposed to.
I don’t know who to tell this to but I noticed that chips are less broken than before. Getting a lot of large chips in the bag these days. So whoever is doing that thank you
A new study done by economists says the American dream now costs approximately 4.4 million dollars or one roll of duct tape and two to three celebrity children
A rapper that raps for hours on end just to make the show longer.
Fiibuster Rhymes.
Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m ab to ruin her day with a bath
Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking
I can easily control the weather.
– buy a new $600 snowblower: no snow all winter
– spend $2000 on new gutters: severe drought
– buy steaks to grill outside: Sharknado
Maggie Smith, Britain’s last coal-powered actor
