massive power vacuum on bluesky atm and i aim to fill it
me: you won’t get on the ledge. you’re an egg bro, get real
humpty dumpty: watch me
[several minutes later]
me approaching the king, tears in my eyes: it’s my fault. it’s all my fault
after i eat lunch there’s a 1-hour window where you can convert me to any religion
(Seeing an old friend) do you still have your birthday at mcdonalds
when you’re broke you really start pondering. like if i didn’t buy that taco in 2018 i would have that $6 rn
every pillow ad now is just them hurling shit like bowling balls at the product and acting like it means something. “see how poorly our competitors deflect this Olympian’s shot put?” great point, i’ll keep your product in mind if i go completely insane
“the blood moon rises once again” [the dishes i washed yesterday respawn in my sink]
If you really want me to pay attention to you, you’d mention sandwiches
If its a ghost ship why does it have to be on water
Me: *finishes my dope hula hoop routine
Judge: Still guilty.
I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.
Rich ppl should ride ambulances to flex instead of limos or whatever. I got a limo for my senior prom big deal. I know like one person who’s ridden an ambulance and their children’s children are going to be in debt for it
movies gotta warn me if they’re a part 1, before i’m in the theater. I just got jump scared by “to be continued” screens twice in one week (Fast X and Spiderverse).
i’m a 37 year old man and and i need emotional closure in my movies, i don’t have time to be cliffhanged
Bro. His friends dared him to go touch your shoe
oh yeah, well can AI do this?
*eats 7 deviled eggs at the cookout*