Don’t send me back to bed if you don’t want me sneaking out again.
~My 8 year old, trying out a new tactic
We were behind on mowing the lawn, which was already driving my husband nuts, but then the neighbor called to see if we’d like to borrow his lawn mower because clearly ours must be broken and now my husband says we have to move
Me: *buys a bra*
The internet: you like BRAS? perhaps you like ONLY BRAS?? Do you need 10,000 BRAS? Do you need to see a new bra every .5 SECONDS?? HERE ARE ALL THE BRAS FOREVER!! YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FAMILY’S POSTS AGAIN ONLY BRAS!
Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.
The secret to a fulfilling and loving relationship is mortal kombat
why would tinder want me to say this
How does one answer this?
Apparently, “I’m not circumventing your authority, I’m just trying to get around it”, was not the answer HR was looking for.
My wife and I are in a fight so I just looked her right in the eyes and folded a towel in fourths.
me:
british youtuber: wots up yewchoob,
Just did a 15km row which is my all time personal best and was feeling pretty good about it until I realised that I’d left the fox and the chicken on the same side of the river.
If I weren’t supposed to bring my cat, the wedding invite would say that, right?