I really wish I had the power to put on a crown of pipette tips and command my cultures to do what I wanted them to do 👑
Just saw an ad for a local psychic fair. I’m not planning to go, but I guess they already know that
Using my dog as a shield, but just to absorb the slobber from my other dog.
neighbor kid, play fighting: are you ready to taste pain?
my kid, mumbling under his breath: I’m ready to taste cheese
That stupid look on my face, is my face
She believed she could so she did and now I have a meeting with her teacher and the principal.
It costs $0.00 to be petty and I love free shit.
When I was little, I once said that my dad could run faster than ketchup coming out of a bottle.
I changed the pictures in the bathroom a year ago, my toddler just realized, your understanding is appreciated as she goes through this hard time
My son just told me he wasn’t a huge chicken fan and I told him I too prefer normal sized chickens and then my wife called the cops.
#TopTip
just yelled YOU DONT KNOW ME at uplifting bathroom graffiti that read “you are enough”
Oh no, I’m taking the entire package of snacks with me when I go back to the couch.
Donuts are beautiful creatures and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.