You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if the Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.
I just saw a sign that said “if you can plan for a wedding, you can plan for a natural disaster” and in my mind those two things are the same things
Just found a best-by date of Oct 1623 on some apple juice so we probably oughta not drink that
I stood here for an hour then I gave up and went home.
A dog catcher implies the existence of a cat dogcher.
the DJ an hour ago: hey if someone lost a black sweater we found it ! seems like it belongs to a child
my sister: how funny would it be if that was mom’s
my mom just now: i lost my black sweater i think :/
pete davidson, pete davidfather, pete davidholyghost
the fbi, studying my kidnapper’s proof of life photo of me, notice a morse code message of mustard stains across the front of my shirt that says: ‘we’re out of mustard’
💀💀🤣 Why are we like this?
I just know they’re trying to reach him about an extended warranty.
A guy just asked me if I had any spare change. I told him I don’t carry cash and he whipped out a card reader. I wish I had that level of confidence.
Are there people that are so into beating dead horses that we had to create an idiom to discourage them from doing so?