Me reminding my kid of all the fun things we did this summer so when he’s asked on the first day of school he doesn’t say “Uhhhh nothing?”
One day you’re young and carefree, the next somebody refers to a movie set in the 80s as a period piece.
I put my pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else to avoid arousing suspicion.
per my last wtf
“your account balance is low” brother wait until you see my will to live
“I’ve recently come into some money.”
*winks and hands over the few dollars I made at my garage sale to the bank teller to deposit into my account*
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend… especially the mom that many years ago was leaving a very busy playground and her kid yelled to his brother “hurry up! Mom wants too poop pretty bad!”
Kid: *from the back seat* Daddy, when a snowflake gets made, how does one side know what the other side looks like?
Me: It’s because…holy shit
Kid: You just ran that stop sign
Me: Shut up give me a second
If I close my eyes and nod while eating the food you made, it was good.
If you see me eating like a raccoon, it is absolutely amazing.
VERY excited to choose the food with the caterer for our wedding soon. it’s the ultimate versionnof my favorite game (looking at a restaurant menu and deciding what i’d like to eat)
Do they award purple hearts for injuries playing* laser tag?
Asking for a friend.
* Dropping the gun on your foot while putting on your vest.
thoughts?
