Looking up the guy who’s running at me progressively faster
My Sweet Lord implies the existence of My Salty Lord, My Sour Lord, my Bitter Lord and of course the more recently discovered My Umami Lord
I was living in the moment until I was evicted.
When I match a very good looking person on dating apps I send them a message saying “Sorry I swiped right by accident.” And immediately unmatch them. They then have this burning desire to stalk my socials and chase me for validation.
The dismemberments will continue until morale improves now back to work
Shred some cheese for me? Thanks, you’re the gratist
“What do you know about atoms?”
“Very little.”
“Besides that.”
my gym crush finally said hi to me and so naturally this was the time to start choking on my own saliva
When you go to therapy they should get to ask three people in your life what your problem is before you start.
I don’t have a reason to post this I just love it
“Did he dump me because the AI told him to dump me?”
what field of science explains how strawberries know that they’ve been purchased and it’s time to go bad in the next 15 minutes