The dismemberments will continue until morale improves now back to work
Shred some cheese for me? Thanks, you’re the gratist
“What do you know about atoms?”
“Very little.”
“Besides that.”
my gym crush finally said hi to me and so naturally this was the time to start choking on my own saliva
When you go to therapy they should get to ask three people in your life what your problem is before you start.
I don’t have a reason to post this I just love it
“Did he dump me because the AI told him to dump me?”
what field of science explains how strawberries know that they’ve been purchased and it’s time to go bad in the next 15 minutes
[taking the last bite of a big meal]
date: what would you like to do next
me: poop
You say “leftover bacon” like I’m supposed to know what that is…
Eating wings is the opposite of flying
*wearing five finger condoms on both hands* ok time for some safe sexting