The downside of having kids is that if you touch any surface in your house you are now covered in toothpaste for some reason
i tried to clean up my chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival
I ran into one of my students at the grocery store with some wine in my cart and he said “that’s because of us isn’t it?”
don’t ask me for pet advice. my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be carried, won’t walk.”
I’m not sure what the record is for hotdog eating contests, but the record for tofu dog eating is less than one.
“get a life”? have you seen some of the lives out there?
GM✌🏻
them: ugh, could you be more annoying
me: oh god, yes
“Why is your name listed first?”
“We’ve discussed this.”
“Explain it to me one more time.”
“They’re alphabetical.”
Sparkling homunculus??????? 🤣🤣🤣
A horror story in seven words
Mom! Today, in music, we get recorders!
Enjoy visiting French vineyards? Then our flight school might be just what you’re looking for.
