Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do. And somehow we must all watch videos of it.
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Here I am, block me like a hurricane.
when u have no idea what ur doing but u don’t let that stop u
Neighbors had a DJ and massive sound system in their back yard, played until after midnight. They are going to love what I’m doing at 6am tomorrow.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Much like a fairy tale princess I will sit here and wither away until some man somewhere is brave enough to bring me soup.
Hollywood is done for – you might not believe me, but this is Al.
Me: Ok, the pan for homemade naan is heated and ready, rice is cooking, butter chicken is simmering, chicken nuggets for the younger kids are in the air frier, and veggies are steaming. Dinner may just be on time.
Narrator: Dinner was late. He forgot to turn on the air frier.
my best friend complained about her husband to me yesterday & I advised her to leave him.
Today she tweeted “No monkey can separate us ”
My Fitbit just congratulated me that I just hit my 10k step goal.
I’m laying on the couch.
My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?
my mom: you still coming over today?
me: definitely
mom: great I have a few things from IKEA for you to put tog—
me: i cant make it
If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.
BREAKING: Dressed as Cat, Jared Leto Pushes Fellow Attendees Off Table at Met Gala