When you think about it, crime not withstanding, all cars are getaway cars
If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?
It might just be MAX now, but whenever his mom gets mad she still calls him by his full name, Hubert Bertinelli Oscar Maximus the third
A little boy looked at my tie the other day and told me that he really liked my leash.
I hope to stop crying soon.
Me: Time to carry me to bed, babe.
Him: That was one time.
馃槈
my doctor: you should snack less, it can really hurt you in the long run
me: *nodding* no more running, got it
Who called it a knock off designer watch and not a Fauxlex
I cannot stop laughing at this
i’ll see your “live laugh love” sign and raise you an “ew, people”
Me googling: why do chickens get to run around with no head but humans don’t?
Google response: Why Am I Single Quiz – Take This Quiz To Find Out
They banned hot dogs at the office ever since i used them as drumsticks on susan’s neck.
Just spent 3 hours doing yard work *
* Looking for my gloves in the shed
I hate when I think someone鈥檚 funny, and then they tweet a joke I saw on a baby onesie advertised on instagram. you tricked me