I want to make some business cards with this image so when people are like “what’s your type” I can just hand them one and say idk these are all men I’m attracted to, y’all figure it out
when ppl on here get in trouble they tweet ‘cute animal’ pictures
you could post a photo of a celebrity like “she looked so cool in the 90s” and some freak will quote tweet it like “Yeah, she looked so cool in the outfit she wore to go run over 15 people with her car on June 4th, 1993.” and it’s like i’m sorry why would i know about that
Late last night my drunk neighbor was banging on his front door for ten minutes. I finally got up and called out to him telling him he wasn’t home. So he left.
first world problems
I could really use hands-free web browsing.
I always wondered how Neapolitan ice cream was made…
What the hell is going on?
mother: I just threw up a little in my mouth
baby birds: yay! dinner time
(unless you have a dachshund puppy) it’s important to leave the house sometimes (because it’s the only way you’ll see a dachshund puppy)
Thursday Thought.
I’ll never forget when I posted about graduating medical school and becoming a doctor, and this girl from my hometown just absolutely publicly humbled me.
My GF: so… do you like my new nylons?
Me [thinking about robbing a bank]: oh yes
What is bluesky and is it pronounced like a cloudless day or a Polish last name?
Legend 🤣🤣
Me: (checks Duolingo to see if there’s a lesson plan to learn the new weird slang my middle school kid uses unironically on a regular basis)