Replace all HR departments with fight clubs
Don’t you hate it when you’re SO tired because it’s been SUCH a long week and then you look at the calendar and see that it is, in fact, only Monday?
“C’mon… Get better…”
– Me poking reality with a stick
My mood is currently on “shuffle.”
Dumple
IT guy: How much Internet do you need?
My folks: 10,000
I think the 2 yr old is ready to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.
The $40 delivery fee for my Ben and Jerry’s is steep, but I admit I picked the Lamborghini to impress my neighbors.
I hate when interviewers ask a second place finisher about not coming in first but I love this response from Andreas Reiterer.
Chatting to an old couple there going to Majorca. He was so upset. Said he wished he’d brought his piano with him. I explained that it wouldn’t go in the hold and that he’d be back soon enough. He said he understood that, but he’d left their tickets and passports on it.
Follow your dreams. Hire a detective to track them down and confront them in a motel parking lot.
Discovered there’s a Bermuda Triangle in our house where all the cups and dishes go missing. Have renamed it “13yo’s Bedroom.”
