Here’s the upside to having kids who are older:
I just sent out a group text letting them all know they’re on their own for dinner.
Food prices really ARE insane right now. My son just charged me $300 for a plastic taco from his toy food truck.
Lional Richie let the world know that he played no active role in raising babies or toddlers when he released the song, “Easy Like Sunday morning.”
Someone needs to reimagine Dracula as a sugar glider
I was supposed to be taller, but I made it up with width for the sake of Geometry.
Women are too difficult, I’m gonna marry a poptart
Just found an egg in my armpit. These kids are getting better and better at hiding them every year.
My favourite movie romance is Keanu Reeves and Sandy Bullock in Speed because they meet by overcoming the greatest relationship hardship of all: when a woman is driving and a man is trying to give her directions
What?!?
I can never understand what our accent chair is saying.
I’m convinced that my soulmate is pizza
Kids got me a t-shirt 2 sizes too small and made me a big breakfast this morning. So yes I now know what it’s like to take off a sports bra
Never figured out why animated movies always showed a witch brewing some boiling hot Mountain Dew in a big cauldron.
One time I got so mad at capitalism I paid off all my credit cards