I worked at Subway many years ago and one night a lady brought in her own cheese for me to use on her sub
I don’t work for the health department so I did it anyway
Welcome to parenting, “your kid bangs his head while sneezing and it is somehow your fault.”
People on LinkedIn on a Saturday.
Who. Hurt. You?
Give me a minute, I’m still fighting the urge to bless a stranger who sneezed
Save a horse, ride a wave of anxiety.
Being 30 is fun because I’m kind of grown up, but I also still secretly believe I would be a good Spider-Man if the opportunity presented itself
anime is so crazy think about shooting your shot with a cute girl you meet in a coffee shop and she turns out to be a corpse devouring ghoul 5 seconds later.
I am a:
⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘 gooseLooking for:
⚪️ men
⚪️ women
🔘 bread
pat pat
She said “stay up, imma call you”.
i’ve been awake for 4 days
I’m not doing the london marathon today but I reckon if I start training now and eat more healthily, next year I should be able to watch a whole one.
Jokes aside, I hope you don’t get partially eaten by a shark on your vacation.
When you want your ball, but you don’t want to get wet
🎾💧💦
The funk soul brother