I’m perfectly happy to listen to the opinion of anyone who agrees with me.
Shout out to the KFC drive-thru attendant who offered me “enough ranch to drown a small child”
These aliens are smart. They only appear to people who don’t know how to operate a camera.
<guitar riff>
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Singer: Ya-aahh-aaahh-weee-aaaa-oooo-roooo-aaahhYeah, I felt that.
Me: so when will I actually receive the shark
Loan Shark: what
An unintentionally hysterical ad offering proof why ‘branding’ always needs a second pair of eyes.
Holy moly
When a woman has her husband’s last name, my first assumption is that they got married in their 20s. I feel like by your 30s, you’ve absolutely maxed out on paperwork.
This came to me in a dream.
i missed therapy because i was up until 4am making this
The package says “Serves 4” but my dadbod says “challenge accepted”
In the hierarchy of my office, I was Pam for so many years that it’s hard to accept that I am now firmly Phyllis even though she’s obviously the coolest