You’re sliding into his DMs, I’m sliding under his bed to rob him after he falls asleep. We’re not the same but we can be accomplices if you want and split it 50/50
I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.
If there are ladies out there into bad boys, look no further. I’m now watching a show despite it being for mature audiences only.
3yo: Mommy I peed in the bathroom!
Me: That’s great pal! …. Wait in the toilet?
3:…
Me: Did. You. Pee. In. The. Toilet?
3:…
People who have a protected account but comment on tweets, I have one thing to say to you:
At ease
problems i need
If my 56 y/o brain was in my 16 y/o body, my first order of business would be empowering myself. Then … fake ID.
me: I’m sorry, I just don’t have the mental energy to keep trying to fix you
dinner ingredients:
no i don’t subtweet, i voodoo doll like a real adult.
Welcome to your 40s.
If you don’t have a back pain, one will be assigned to you.
You’re never alone. Theres mold