🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️😩
6km run followed by a blueberry muffin for breakfast… life is all about balance people! 😆
Wanna feel old? Of course you don’t. Have a great day.
You can’t even be mad at the dog for this. You just have to be impressed.
Trash night me: Damn these flimsy generic trash bags!
Grocery day me: Damn these Hefty bags are pricey!
Trash night me: Damn these flimsy generic trash bags!
Grocery day me: Damn these Hefty bags are pricey!
person sitting next to me on a plane: [nervously] how often do planes crash
me: usually once
Welcome to your 40s, your eyebrows are now a federally protected wildlife habitat.
*walking my 5 year old back from the bathroom
Lady: Your grand daughter is so cute
Me: She’s my…. Thank you
Imagine your life revolving solely around a napping and snacking schedule and still being mad all the time.
Get it together, toddlers.
It’s adorable when you give someone an informed opinion that they completely dismiss and then someone else basically says the exact same thing and now it’s a brilliant idea they’ve never heard before.
me: *sees bags of soil stacked in garden center
brain: slap ‘em, slap ‘em hard
My 3-year old daughter said “Daddy I love you” and when I was responding “thanks I love you too” she interrupted me to be like “also I love EVERYTHING.” I’m on the same level as an air fryer
You can never be accused of overstaying your welcome, if you don’t go anywhere.
Teachers: “AI is a disaster, how am I going to know who is cheating?!”
Students: