Didn’t get any sleep last night….I spent the entire time wondering where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.
me: [listening to the same song 10 times in a row] you know what would be even better? 11 times
Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?
this cat is NOT cute!!! he a scammer and he just called an old woman at 9pm to say if she doesnt send a $50 itunes gift card the IRS is going to put her in jail for 87 years.
One of my new rescue dogs is really into laying on the couch and watching FRIENDS.
I think he’s my soulmate.
Some people aren’t just missing a screw the whole toolbox is gone
I’d be fine with a ghost living with me if each time a bloody message appeared it was something helpful like YOUR KEYS ARE IN THE FRONT DOOR
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a chick that’s gone insane
Jousting on horseback except both competitors have party subs.
They should advertise estimated end times for concerts where the crowd’s average age is over 30.
YOU (falling prey to the pathetic fallacy): The sky is angry tonight.
ME (science-loving, dispassionate): Everything is angry all the time.
An unexpected perk of having pets is when the cat throws up on the couch; the dog jumps in to handle the cleanup.
The Backseat Boys