YOU (falling prey to the pathetic fallacy): The sky is angry tonight.
ME (science-loving, dispassionate): Everything is angry all the time.
An unexpected perk of having pets is when the cat throws up on the couch; the dog jumps in to handle the cleanup.
The Backseat Boys
Shout out to my buddy who wears a Toronto Blue Jays hat bc he’s “not so much a fan of THE Blue Jays as much as blue jays in general”
Shout out to everyone who told me this isn’t really Elon. I guess the wedding is off.
It isn’t alcoholism if you’re a method actor training for a role as an alcoholic in a movie that doesn’t exist.
You would think a Steven with a ph would know better than to address me as Alison with two Ls.
[to a mushroom] ok, pretty cute. but let’s see you without the hat
As a fun surprise I am teaching the neighbor’s cat to operate a motorcycle
I have 7 TV controllers on my coffee table. All are decoys.
The real controller stays on my person at all times.
A baby proofing service where I sic my toddler on your house so you can see exactly where you need to baby proof.
my 4yo threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t lock him in a storage bin & reader, I hesitated
I don’t need lip fillers. I have two toddlers constantly head-butting me.