shit just got real
dentist: u need to floss
me: no
dentist: my other patient who wouldn鈥檛 floss lost all his teeth
me: really
dentist: in a fistfight
me: that sounds unrelated
dentist: it was my fist. do what i say
I’m from the generation when we’re telling a story about our childhood we say “You have to remember, cellphones weren’t around back then.”
馃槅
Wait is Venmo down too?? Venmo me I鈥檓 curious
this could fix me
the worst part of getting fired from the unemployment office is still having to go in the next day
“If people work from home, how will I socialize?” You will have to go into the forest, bribe an old witch & have her summon new friends for you like the rest of us have to
knowing stuff is probably the worst thing you could do for your mental health
The Count of Monte Cristo remains popular because it speaks to that universal human desire to flex on everyone you went to school with
Want to feel old? This is what the vampires from Buffy the Vampire Slayer look like now.
Why couldn鈥檛 the Italian chef open the door?
Because he had gnocchi
*quietly waits for the reply guys
How to care for cast iron properly:
1. You’re an adult do whatever you want. Don’t let strangers on the internet tell you what to do it’s a frying pan not a Rembrandt!
2. Don’t you dare put it in the dishwasher.