Deleting my dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (I’m sitting in my living room, he’s a large jug of red juice that bursts through the side of my wall)
I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.
No one EVER looks surprised when you tell them you cut your own hair.
dinosaur: omg a meteor
t-rex clark kent: *desperately trying to remove his glasses with his tiny arms*
Cabin crew: Is there a Dr on board?
Me: I am a Dr
Cabin crew: Thank God. We have a question about the 18th century textile trade in Northern Africa
Me: Ah. I’m afraid my PhD is in the ceramics of Northern Europe, 1672 – 1701
I’ve written a musical called Fish.
It’s very similar to Cats… although Memory’s a lot shorter.
“When neighbors start talking, good things happen.” 🏡
[bedtime]
me: babe we forgot to lock the door
him: not it
murderer under the bed: not it
me: fine I’ve got it
A lizard fell on my hand as I opening the window… now I have to explain why there was a young lady screaming in my room 👀
I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs
I’d probably hike more if there was a lemonade stand every mile or two that served burgers.
“ur password is weak” well so is my memory so please let me keep it
Daughter: I drew a picture of you
Me: where’s my big muscles?
Daughter: *looks at me up and down* good question
Pulling up to another car at a stoplight in my 20’s: Turns up music.
Pulling up to another car at a stoplight in my 40’s: Turns down NPR.