If you don’t call ahead of time I won’t answer the door, but I don’t answer phones, so you see the dilemma.
When I think how often I drop things on my feet, my childhood dream of owning a Lightsaber may have been catastrophic
hair coloring options for women:
out of a box = $12.99
going to a hair salon = $7,000
I’ve just had to let my trousers out.
They wanted to go for a walk and I couldn’t be bothered.
Today, I want to talk about petting a cat with wet hands and why that’s no good for your hands or the cat.
McDonalds food takes so long because they have to mold the clay, paint the items and then spray them with real food smell
Rock bottom is bad, but it still beats scissor bottom.
haha, if i’m supposed to be at work right now then how come these firefighters are rescuing me from the top of this tree?
“When i bump into an old friend, but we can’t remember our names”
Every Law & Order episode should end with:
“Objection your honor, the prosecution’s face is way too symmetrical!”
if you’re not sniffing random panties at the laundromat then why are you even there
First date Idea.
We tag team wrestle another couple.
Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was younger I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the tv channel.
me: omg I cannot WAIT for summer
also me: omg I’m soooo hot I am DYING
There are so many of you I would love to hug and like two that I’m afraid they’d make me into a lampshade