Meow should be an acceptable answer to any question that can’t be answered with yes or no. For example:
-What’s your favorite colour?
-Meow
Now you’re thinking there isn’t such a colour, but you don’t know all colours, and new colours are born every day, so..
My 8yo had his hair styled nicely this morning so I asked what he put in it to look so good……and he said it was oil from the pan I roasted broccoli in last night.
You really can’t make this stuff up.
landlord: i’m raising your rent
me: am i getting more house
American: Your forest fire smoke is disgusting. Keep it up there!
Canadian: Sorry, but have you tried building a wall about it?
If the Christians published the Kama Sutra it would have been one page long.
According to my scales, there could be four wolves inside of me.
I use italics as a form of revenge. Being a writer has ruined my posture, so I’m going to do the same to these words.
Them: Oh, you only need a few pounds of tannerite 👌🏼
If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early they’re gonna have to learn how to make coffee
*answers every how are you with, “I don’t know, I don’t speak to me anymore.”
Captain hook: hi do you have any quite big gloves? maybe a bit piratey, nothing weird
sales assistant: oh not you again
my go-to phrase at work is “I’ll crunch the numbers” but the truth is I’ll just go back to my desk & crunch my flaming hot cheetos
in the 80s you solved everything with dancing. street fight? dance. parents throw you out of the house? dance. a demonic presence that has surfaced from the bowels of hell as a result of a seance gone wrong? dance.
