Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire?”
🤔🔥📝
“Smell ya later”
-me, to my asparagus
Imagine us having sex..
Wrong, more lasagna.
parents: you are what you eat
kids:
Him: Why are you here?
Me: Why am I anywhere?
Wow, pretty rude for people to exist that are younger & hotter than me but OK
Feeling invisible and unnoticed?
Put in your ear buds and they won’t shut the hell up.
Tiktok made twitter look like a science club.
[opening birthday presents]
me: …is this another dead cat?schrödinger: *way too excited* we don’t know until you open it!
Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.
I’ve licked my tip many times and sometimes it leaves a blue, red and sometimes green mark on my tongue, I mean we’ve all had those multicoloured pens before……
I think
Therefore I am
Tongue tied
when you say the word “spit” you have at least two opportunities to do so
Did this writing exercise where you write 300 words about a place without using any adjectives. It’s actually pretty easy if you’re not sure what an adjective is.