This is a friendly reminder to go drink water you dehydrated bean
Thirty years ago, Jurassic Park gave me hope I might live long enough to see resurrected dinosaurs. The clock’s ticking.
Every industry in the country, he lets put our products in these handy useful resealable ziplock bags!
Cereal & chip mfg companies, nah we’re good
Me: [arguing with Tom Cruise] OMG JUST PICK A POSSIBLE MISSION
This flying squirrel faked his own death, and created a whole crime scene…for attention. I think I’m in love.
The key to losing weight is to eat like you’re in a video game — don’t bother with it 99% of the time until you’re about to die
People text “happy new year” and go missing for the rest of the year!
Why do I have so many emails?
I don’t mean mail, I mean addresses.
Hey gang, let’s talk about what has gone right today.
Ok, good talk. See you tomorrow.
I don’t know what my spirit animal is, but I’m pretty sure it has a cone around its neck.
At a kids’ birthday party. With my kid.
He abandoned me and I don’t know how to talk to the parents
My 5 year old was pretending to leave for work, rode his bike to the end of the driveway and back and said he made $100 so my question is what is this job and where can I find one
trying to convince my straight friends it’s homophobic to not buy gay people presents during pride month