being in your 30s would be so fun if you didnt wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat
Just once, I’d like to have a fully baked idea.
As a child all I wanted was as to be a time traveller like my grandson and his grandson before him.
Walked through a haunted house and just kept muttering to myself about how much I liked the aesthetic of each room, like I was shopping for a house. And then a guy with a chainsaw would jump out or something and I would be like ok geez
Please be delicate with me I’m built like a Nature Valley bar
Imagine the excruciating discomfort of having nothing to say to a child and choosing to compliment it on its gait. I myself don’t have to imagine.
Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude. You aren’t the one paying for groceries. Stop.
this one is dumb but worth the zoom-in, i swear
I wish I could call my dad’s therapist and be like “hey what exactly are you working on over there???”
Multitask? I can barely unitask
surely this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson
I reached for the kitchen scissors and they weren’t there so someone is very very lucky this cheese opened on the tear line like it’s supposed to.
