I’m not sure what a Doja Cat is but sadly I’ve learned it’s not a place for your cats to practice their karate moves
when you came back from the bathroom and your younger sibling had taken your spot on the couch
Me: [from inside a sealed cardboard box] I’m the total package.
Everyone else at speed dating:
Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.
Old man in public library is watching gladiator clip by clip on youtube while his wife sits next to him reading a magazine and frowning. On this floor a homeless man is reading prince harrys biography and I am flipping through a table sized atlas looking at maps of central Asia
Me asking everyone how they like their burger before I cook them all exactly the same
*at my funeral*
Friend crying over my casket: look they’re burying her in her favorite dress
Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets
Everyone pointing out that it’s suspicious how many AI tools are free, it’s because building a tech company these days 100% revolves around giving people your product for free/at an extreme discount until they forget how to function without it, then closing the jaws of the trap
I got new neighbors. Very noisy girls. I unsuccessfully asked them to lower their music severally. Unsuccessfully informed caretaker. So today, I’d had enough. I put on Spotify, tweaked the Sony system to 100, & left. My phone is ringing like nonsense. Unsuccessfully.
my partner’s been out of town for 6 days while I’m home w 2 kids and we’re officially in feral mode. My kid asked for her 4th popsicle of the night and I was like “yeah girl grab me another one too”
People with pretty privilege?
You mean the gourgeoisie???
losing it at this lady preaching abstinence at LSU and the students just going buck wild