Me, in DM rooms…
Would you rather live without coffee or without Wi-Fi?
😳😳😳☕️☕️☕️☕️🤪🤪
Studies show women find food emotionally comforting.
Please send chickpeas.
pretty sure no other member of my family knows we own a dishwasher
My grandparents’ generation was so committed to vacation photos they’d flip their goddamn car and it would still be like “Marge, get in here.”
Ffs 🤦♀️ I forgot to get skinny for the summer again
Women who say giving birth is the worst pain imaginable, obviously never waited for a toddler to put on their own shoes.
I have 2 cats and 2 dogs so I feel comfortable giving parenting advice. Mostly you have to check how much protein there is in the bag before you buy them food.
Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians….
Help end the violence!!!
Eat BACON!!
Welcome to your fifties…
AT 10PM WE SLEEP
AT DAWN WE PEE
Interviewer: Your resume appears to have a few holes in it
Me: Yeah that would be from the ferrets
philosophical skeletons be like
🤣
I just found out my twin brother and I were switched at birth.