Lady t-rex: I’m tired tonight, take care of yourself.
Dude t-rex: 😑
[New printer]
Align printer *prints page*
Clean printhead *prints page*
Print this test page *prints page*Ink low, replace cartridges
I think it’s funny when parents get actually mad at people for call themselves a dog mom it’s like yeah no duh it’s not the same thing people actually like their dogs
It’s not you, it’s me. When we met I was so young and optimistic.
-me, to the vegetables in my fridge
My 6yo thinks the Starbucks mermaid has two fish tails for her arms and now I can’t unsee it
me: *holding bowling ball*
friend: going bowling?
me: nope— playing enormous marbles
guys, i almost wrote an inspirational tweet what is happening
i love being in STEM (shenanigans, tomfoolery, escapades, and mischief)
coworker: you should try my therapist
me: i’ve seen their work no thanks
People that lick their forefinger after EACH PAGE OF A BOOK, who hurt you?
Art by Pastelkatto
Sneezed so hard I think I pulled an ovary
Them: You’ve changed.
Me: hmm doesn’t sound like something I’d do.
I get that the mirror in my therapist’s office is symbolic for self-reflection.
But why is it on the ceiling?
And why is his couch a water bed?
A time capsule but it’s just the back of the fridge